Potty Girl: Union Pool

Picking up a dude in a bar is like shopping at a flea market. What you score may be cheap and ultimately useless, but the experienced shopper will put at least a tiny bit of thought into an item before taking it home.

I view bar bathrooms as a fitting room for trying on a potential pairing, an important step before making that one-night commitment. Frenching is a must, and I encourage finger banging to establish his skill level. Truthfully, what I’m really interested in is a look at his D. I gotta know there are no rashes, blisters, or other deformities, and I have to make sure that he can actually get and maintain a boner, no matter the amount of drugs or booze we’ve ingested.

Recently, I began writing down the names of NYC bars whose bathrooms I’ve fucked, sucked, or got fingered in. I was shocked to find that in 12 pt font, the list is longer than any D that’s ever existed. I decided to put my evil powers to good use and help out mah gurls, so every Friday I’m gonna post a review of a different bar bathroom, in case you’re planning on a meetin’ in the ladies room with a D this weekend.

First up is Williamsburg's Union Pool, where I’ve gotten more ass than the toilet seats have.

I think there are five or six unisex bathrooms at the Pool. I’ve hooked up in every one of them. The small ones off to the left (like pictured above) aren’t that great, because they’re the ones that smell like pee the most, and they usually have a lot of debris all over the place.

This is the best one. It's straight ahead when you walk into the bathroom vestibule.

I love the counter, because it’s really versatile. You can comfortably place a CD on it in order to do lines, and also sit on it, so you can wrap your arms and legs around a dude, like a koala bear on a tree.

Occasionally I’ll end up having sex in a bathroom, but only in the single-room kind like this one, not a stall. And only if he’s hot enough that I can’t resist myself, or famous enough that I can’t resist the anecdote it will create. I’ve had sex in this bathroom, and I must say, it was pretty hot. You can brace yourself really well on that tile counter, and the mirror is huge, so you can watch yourself get pounded from behind.

I’d give it a rating of 3.5 Ds out of 4.

Comments

[Gadfly]

And I thought I was a whore (man-whore).

I bow to the superior one.

*genuflecting*

You fucking rock. All the happy spent cocks you leave in your wake. Spreading happiness in the world in countless instances of hot sex and in the following subtle happinesses of boastful tales. "I totally banged this hot chick in the bathroom of this place one time."

Bless you for what you do, child.

;-)

[j]

umm you should post pictures of the guys u fuck.

[slut machine]

in most cases, i don't even catch their last names, let alone a photo op.

[♥dex]

Between spreading happiness or spreading happiness AND her legs, that is where the subtlety lay.

Ha.

I so punny.

[john smith]

you are so nasty. god i hope i don't ever have the misfortune of meeting you in any bar.

[AtlanticVamp]

I applaud you. At least you keep up with the aspects of your hook-ups, unlike some of those "pure, good" girls who randomly hook-up drunk, then claim they'd never done anything like that before. I've been around quite a bit myself, and used to keep a scrapbook of their pictures (it's a small town; usually they posted them online or I'd track down their high school yearbook photo at the public library). My fiance has seen the book and understood at once what it meant. He loved me anyway, and actually thought it was good of me to look back fondly, not just with a ton of "I hate my ex" stories. (He also got some hot fantasy material, imagining me banging all those guys...) Though the scrapbook has long been gone (and reposted online in a locked Yahoo Photos account), I'm glad I took the time, much like you do.

Keep on, girl, keep on...

[Neocon-pincher]

john smith is a middle-aged bachelor whose jackoff fantasy is about touching little boys.

[pepper]

Well, slut machine, you've arrived: You've got your first hater.

I think you're awesome, dear :)

[Gadfly]

*sigh*

Always forget to change the name when I come here.

[john smith]

middle aged bachelor? hardly. 25 and pretty. thinking that this ho is nasty? id venture to say that most men would agree.

[john smith]

and further than that, touching little boys? cmmon please be more original. the only people who think this is cool are mid twenties williamsburg (oooops i mean midwestern tourist) hipster bitches. go home. nasty

[Rich]

And yet, you can't look away...

[slut machine]

john smith, did i fuck you and hurt your feelings because i gave you a fake phone number?

[Gadfly]

Now that I know his age, he's a little Jesus freak momma's boy.

This mean, nasty girl just goes against every little thing he was ever taught during home schooling.

What a little cunt.

[megan]

you fucking rock.

[john smith]

gadfly: you are a cheesy and ultimatly poor scribe. i read the blog, its weak. jesus freak? nah thats not me, thats for you and all the other midwesterners that have swarmed williamsburg and write crap. i am from nyc fool, we dont do that sort of thing. capice (being jesus freaks)? you are undoubtably a sweaty, balding, slighty overweight master-bater (and yes i did spell it like that). your achingly bad erotica is good for the comedy it provides though. i simply call nasty on that which i deam nasty (nasty being another word for disgusting or low). now go back to wisconsin will ya.

slut machine: i am quite sure that you never fucked me (i dont fuck in urine soaked/feces covered public bathrooms). further i wouldn't touch you with gadfly's dick. nasty. now go back to indiana will ya. kisses

[slut machine]

wow, john. for someone who is so disgusted, you sure like to revisit this site. i saw that you posted comments under a different user name a few weeks ago. ip addresses don't lie. you're a regular reader! thanks for tuning in!

[stud robot]

john smith most likely gave up on girls a long time ago, so he has this huge built-up resentment for them, and you write out your details and he can be anonymous, and so here he is, showering you with his homo kisses.

i think you're a doll and i hope you post pictures of yourself someday.

[john smith]

nope never have posted before this story. perhaps on my wireless router some other person is a fan (i live in a tall building many people steal wireless). word is bond sluttycakes..... and not disgusted, just think ya nasty, not cool or enpowered but low and maybe molested as a child (that usually accounts for hyper sexuality). enjoy the issues you have mi amor. xo JS

[john smith]

damn "stud robot" you sure are not a stud................

http://www.friendster.com/user.php?statpos=bc&uid=19155085

you curly haired stepchild you. did you shave off your pubes and stick them on your head? oh thats right, you don't even have pubes you twenty year old baby. so cute. and that music selection is soooooo original, postal service and death cab. is garden state your favorite movie too? fuckin gaywad.

[gay]

slut machine is great, and i am certainly a fan although i have to admit, how many d's question: could i be bringing home the slut machine while out at the bar and not know it?

[guacho411]

Potty Girl...didn't mommy give you enough attention growing up? Are you trying to prove that writing a blog about fucking random guys in bathrooms can be "hip and ironic"? How 'bout no!

[kitty]

Wow, and the haters have arrived! So slut machine is... slutty. Big deal. Not hip, not ironic, just what she's about.

But my opinion doesn't count. I'm a fucking midwesterner. Who also likes fucking.

[slut machine]

dude, there's nothing ironic about any of this. i'm quite serious. and if i had been molested, then i would have become a stripper or a hooker or a porn star making mega bucks, rather than working in publishing for peanuts. i like fucking. it's as simple as that. the fact that i've been served up an ice-cold glass of haterade is simply a sign that i've been doing something right in my own personal marathon toward the finish line of sexual equality.

word to ya bunk-ass mutha.

[stud robot]

never seen that guy before in my life, but we're from the same city

[robot stud]

oh and he has my name. wow. you did good, young Hardy. that MUST be me.

[stud robot]

oh wait
i remember
but that isn't me
there was a reason for that

[Renaissance Diva]

slut machine, you rock! go fuck those guys & get all the pleasure you can out of them. be proud of yourself for taking what you want instead of letting society box you into a repressed little corner. john smith, you're a sad, immature idiot who can't even spell. sex should be enjoyed, not swept under the rug in shame... you are a classic example of a man so insecure about his own sexuality that he can't leave other people's alone. grow up.

[pepper]

LOL @ "deam." John Smith = supastah

[Gadfly]

Poor little john. He found some people who know how to enjoy life and it damages his psyche.

Why bother getting up every day, john? You're still going to be you. Why keep going. You should kill yourself. Really. There's no reason to continue the pain.

trolling on blogs = loser. Really. Kill yourself. It'll be better in the next world. Promise.

[MK KUNST]

THIS IS WONDERFUL!
I THINK IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO BE INFORMED OF THE BETTER PLACES TO HAVE SEX AT.
HONESTLY, THIS WHOLE FUCKING IN THE BATHROOM IS SO GREAT FOR MANY REASONS.
1. YOU GET THE D OVER WITH AND AFTER YOUR "FILL" YOU CAN GO DANCE OR HANG OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS WHOM ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN MEN,
2. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE ASSHOLE HOME AND WAKE UP TO HIM SNORING OR GRINDING HIS TEETH IN HIS SLEEP!
3. SINCE YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE SHIT ANYWAY (ALCOHOLICS AMNESIA) IT MAKES FOR A BETTER STORY WITH MORE DETAILS THAT YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO REMEMBER...
IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE...
AND THAT DUDE JOHN DOES WANT TO FUCK YOU... OR SOMEONE IF HE KEEPS READING YOUR SITE... HE LOVE IT!

[cintrella]

Been there slut machine. Try the same thing sober...betcha that bathroom looks a little less inviting. Bet the guys do too.

[guacho411]

Slut Machine, your attempt to be "edgy" just makes me laugh. The only reason you didn't become a porn star or a stripper is because you're probably a brown bagger...and from my experience with brown baggers the only way to really do them is blacked out drunk in some Brooklyn basement bar and then not calling them ever again...so slut machine...phone ringin' much?

[slut machine]

you're attempt at being cutting makes me laugh. thanks for reading!

[john smith]

dear cum dumpster,
a few things:
to claim you are a warrior for sexual equality is a good joke. the women's lib ladies would be turning in their graves. men and women are sexually equal in my eyes, i think that the boys i know that do what you do are pathetic too. you are equal. and i know a lot of men who would agree with me (that boys who do this are of the lowest denominator too).
im sure your mother and father (doubtless children of the 60's) would be very proud of your effort on behalf of the gender you belong to, give her them your link you charming young thing you.

another thing, i actually respect what whores and strippers do more than i respect what you do. they get paid for being moist accesories. the only reason that you are not one is that you are most likely from a middle to upper middle class backround and stripping and whoring doesent fit the modus operandi for girls of your education and socioeconomic backround. the reason why you are in publishing and not stripping is that none of the girls in sex and the city had jobs in the sex industry. here is some news, sex and the city is a ficticious show, not some plan for spending your late twenties.
i have actually met those women (the ones who the show were based on) and believe me they don't look good at 40 something and they were not the happiest bunch of ladies i have hung out with either. feel that.

kitty: you're right, your opinion doesn't count

gadfly: ill stop putting my spelling out there when you stop inflicting your awful writing on the world. kill myself? your writing makes me wanna kill myself. i get more pussy by accident than you get on purpose. just not in fecal matter splattered bathrooms and not with nameless strangers.

stud robot: or can i call you jon? you got caught out there buddy. nice friendster profile. nice pubic do and tres tres emo taste, so hip, so sensitive, so so........lame, eat a dick up till you hiccup.

i am done here. you put out provocative you get it back. pardon the spelling don't have the time to cut and paste into word. it has been fun friends! ta ta now!

Jonny Smitherenes

[Charlotte]

controvveerrrrsssyyyyy

[slut machine]

you don't have time to check spelling yet you have time to continue coming to a site that you don't even like to post lengthy comments? that's weird. you might just be my #1 fan.

[john smith]

i'm sorry but it's not fair that god has blessed you with a useable vagina and you don't appreciate that. do you know how lucky you are to have a big bull stud pick you up in his arms and fuck you every night? all the attention and manliness filling you up. you need to be more thankful. it's just not fair.

[john smith]

i did not post that last comment........love, the real john smith

[john smith]

i did not post that last comment........love, the real john smith

[john smith]

and really im done on this one. so any more posts that bare my name aren't really from me from me. i am not answering any more. one again ta ta. and slut machine, your comeback was week. seriously now. bye

[john smith]

or weak. xo

[john smith]

no wait i was right the first time, it's week. xo

[Julie]

Wow, john smith sounds a little angry and bitter. I love this site!!!

[AtlanticVamp]

Damn, that John Smith REALLY has a lot of fucking time on his hands. I have had to be to work, classes, raise my kids and fuck my fiance since the last time I posted. What the fuck gives?

I also noticed that as soon as "John Smith" (Looking for Pocahontas? Or maybe someone who'll "Poke-your-hot-ass?") flamed you, suddenly lots of other folks felt free, too. What bitches...

I like sex. I used to like it with several different people until I found the one I liked best: my fiance. Being slutty doesn't mean you're bad; it means you're shopping around, kicking the tires, and hopefully getting the best deal. You wouldn't buy a car without a test drive, nor would you buy clothes without trying them on. What gives with people bagging on someone for trying out a few men? I'd rather know before I "buy".

[Neocon-pincher]

That's hilarious that we've got impersonators coming in as that john smith douche.

*chuckle*

Capitol-L Loser.

[jenner]

BWAHAHAHAHA this is hilarious. Love the site, don't change a thing. And any haters - why do they keep coming back if they don't like it? I've never understood that........
Anyway again, great site, no need to justify yourself to ANYONE much less anonymous posters - keep up the good work!

[Tanith]

Tolerance and lust. The BEST qualities, not the worst.

Mind your own, Savonarola (dangerous 15C hater prone to book(blog)-burning and witch hunting).

The Pocahontas comment is beyond brill. John Smith is tormented and awed by his ventures into a lush, unknown and seductive land.

[buzz]

this shit's really funny. anyone else ever read the book THE SLUTS? it takes place on a sex website and all the commentators start impersonating one another -- it's pretty hilarious. and it's about, you know, sluts.

you're way pervy, SM. loves it.

[Cece]

This is my first time on your site and I like you. You remind me of my friends and I won't even front and act like I don't think some of those girls are hos, but hos gotta eat too. That being said, I don't see why people are getting their panties in a bunch over who YOU fuck. I say get yours because I know I'm getting mine. If you wanna post about it, more power to ya. Fuck everybody else and have no shame in your game because you're better than most bitches. Now, I don't put my business out there, but that doesn't mean I'm not getting it as much, if not more, than you are. So all these people wanting to talk shit and act like they aren't getting fucked need to stop with all the hypocrisy. It's not becoming. So keep fucking wherever you want because I bet in those same bathrooms is someone who was talking shit. xoxo