Kathleen Turner's Nose

When it comes to boozing it up, Kathleen Turner's nose is perhaps the most compelling reason to exercise moderation.

That is a case of hypertrophic rosacea if I ever saw one.

Turner claims that she pretended to be an alcoholic in order to hide her real disease—rheumatoid arthritis. You know, because arthritis is so shameful and all.

She checked herself into rehab in 1999, but we all know that she never really ever stopped sucking cocktails.

Rock bottoms up!

Comments

[jenner]

I see BAD BAD PLASTIC SURGERY more than hypertrophic rosacea - but no doubt it's both....yeesh, what a beautiful woman....

....she used to be....

[slut machine]

i don't see any plastic surgery. i think that's part of the problem.

[lover, not hater]

so, slutmachine, this is totally unrelated, but i'm sure you're aware of this "facebook" phenomenon. anyways, this kid at the college i used to go to started up a facebook group for miss lindsay. it made me think of you. perhaps he is your soulmate?

xoxox

Name of Group:
Lindsay Lohan: American Hero
Type:
Common Interest - Beliefs & Causes
Description:
Lindsay Lohan is an American hero, the very epitome of the perfect woman.

Don’t believe me? Consider the evidence: she’s filthy rich, smokin’ hot, totally slutty and she parties like it’s her job. She has all the ideal qualities one could ask for in a girl, especially since everyone knows ideal qualities include “daddy issues,” “unbelievable tits” and “a car that costs more than your house.”

Many Oberlin students like to pat themselves on the back for their involvement in political activism or social justice, “trying to make the world a better place” and all that jazz. To which I say: BO-RING. On a typical Tuesday night Lindsay Lohan cuts her blow with OxyContin and washes it all down with vodka, and still (usually) manages to show up to work on time the next day. She has, on at least one occasion, hooked up with Kate Moss on the stripper stage at Scores. A slow night for this chick makes my wildest times look like a tea party with grandma. Now that, my friends, is an accomplishment.

Moreover, Lindsay Lohan is probably the hottest 20 year-old girl on the planet. Anyone who claims they wouldn’t hit it forwards, backwards, sideways and upside-down is clearly either a) lying, b) a girl, or c) gay. In fact, even being gay is no excuse, since as many of you know I am totally gay and yet I would definitely sleep with Lindsay Lohan instead of 99.9% of the men in the world.* Actually, that still means there are roughly 300,000 guys on this planet I'd choose over Lindsay Lohan, and that's not even close to being true. I guess it's more like 99.999% at the very lowest. See my point? That's pretty hot.

Some people may call her an amoral whore who sets a bad example for America’s youth. Those people are boring prudes and probably ugly. Really, really hot girls, as we all know, can do whatever the fuck they want, which means that Lindsay Lohan could burst onto the set of a TV interview in a cloud of cocaine, babbling incoherently and riding naked on the back of whatever dude(s) she boned on her way to the station and I would just be like “I want you inside me.”

*of course, I would have to double-bag it, but for her I’m willing to make some sacrifices. Call me, Lindsay!

[Tuna]

I loved her in "Serial Mom." Pussy willows.

[deeyou]

Me too, loved her since Serial Mom.

[Boober]

For me, it was "The Man with Two Brains."

[pinky]

Trust me: Kathleen Turner is the biggest drunk ever. I used to bartend at a certain 4-star restaurant in Gramercy that she'd frequent. One night an older hag came up to the bar (she already had a table with about 4 others) and ordered a double vodka. "Don't bother chilling it," she croaked. And she downed it like water - something I'd never seen - and walked back to her table. If it hadn't been for the 2 queens sitting at the bar who recognized her, I'd have assumed she was just another old, rich drunk. She looked like shit - no resemblance whatsoever to her former self. It was sad beyond belief. She came back in again and did the same thing. The saddest part was that she couldn't just order it at her table - she was so fucked that she had to leave her party and do it alone. Sign of a true drunk.

[cokane]

Sad. Speaking of sad, did you see where they're auctioning off Whitney's worldly possessions today?

[orville redinbocker]

pussy willows! i didnt know alcohol caused ones nostrils to become bloated. ?

[Eric]

It could be rosacea. But ignorant assholes may not be aware of the condition.

[Arch Deluxe]

Drunk, bloated from steroids, making out with Michael Douglas. No matter which way you cut it, Kathleen Turner is my kind of woman.

[Francesca]

I keep thinking of an elderly miss piggy.

She was quite arrogant about her looks and success in the 1980s-honestly I think this is Karma. I always thought she was a little porcine and flat even in her hey day. (See "Julia Julia") Sammy on Day of Our Lives always makes me think of her. You know the famous type that clearly has an inner fat person roaring to get out the moment they're decommissioned.

[Busby SEO Test]

Well, thats the lindsay profile that i know.. :) thanks for the information. Anyway nice to see your blog here...:)

[fahrrad]

Dies ist ein großer Ort. Ich möchte hier noch einmal.