Mr. Winehouse Owes Me 30 Quid

The half a fag in the pink cowboy hat is Blake Fielder-Civil, the dude who inspired much of Amy Winehouse's critically acclaimed Back to Black. He cheated on her, broke her heart into a million pieces, and when she became internationally famous and revered, he hopped back on her coattails and rode them all the way down the aisle to a quickie ceremony, making him a sort of British Kevin Federline. Up until this weekend, I had absolutely no idea that the Blake that Amy married was the same dirt bag, asshole, good-for-nothing, hot Blake that I previously knew (and Frenched). It's sort of freaking me out.

This photo was taken when I lived in London (about six or seven years ago). That's spiky Phil on the right. He lives in NYC now. He's great and sweet. He used to work the door at Trash, a club in London which was the place to be on Monday nights. That's where I met Blake. I'm sure that's where most people in London met Blake. Basically he's a hustler. Not in a rent boy sort of way (although, I always questioned that, given the pink cowboy hat), but in the grifter sort of way. Actually, grifters are usually incredibly smart and quick, and I don't see either of those as qualities he would possess. He used to tag along with my favorite accidental genius Adam Alphabet. We were all part of a larger group of acquaintances who'd get wasted, go to clubs, go to after parties until sunrise, all the normal stuff you do when you're 21. I drunkenly made out with him one night in the men's toilets at After Skool Klub, and I have a very fuzzy, booze-blurred memory of holding his ween while he peed, for no reason other than as a joke.

Everyone had Blake's number. He was an unemployed couch hopper coasting on his looks (really, really great looks). From what I gather from various tabloid reports and gossip web sites, the only difference with him is that he's finally found his meal ticket one true love. I—along with most of Amy's fans—really hope she doesn't quit music like she's been threatening, in order to raise a family with this bum. I mean, I totally get it. I've been inexplicably infatuated with gorgeous losers before. It's really easy to get caught up in someone else's bullshit when you're sick of dealing with your own. But I've never taken it to the level of marriage, obvs. But then again, maybe if I had a bunch of money, it would be easier to fall for the dead weight that attaches itself to you.

Anyway, one night Blake and I were to get some coke. He said he'd put in £20 if I put in £30. I gave it to him and he just took off with it. He seriously disappeared into thin air. I never saw him around any of the clubs or parties ever again. It was weird. I was pissed off so I started a rumor that he had AIDS. Nobody found it hard to believe.

Two years ago, I was visiting some friends in London and we were sitting around drinking, catching up. I was like, "Hey, do you guys ever see that guy Blake around? What the fuck ever happened to him?" My one friend was like, "I heard he has AIDS."

"I made that up! Wow, I can't believe it stuck. He owes me 30 quid," I said.

"Blake owes everyone 30 quid," my other friend said.

Well, obviously, he's good for it now. I'd like to be repaid.

Comments

[Deege]

Get. The. Fuck. OUT! Everyone has a deadbeat boyfriend(?) story like that, but the dude never goes on to attain any sort of notoriety. It's bad enough when everyday things remind you of the asshole (a song, an article of clothing, a joke, whatever), but to have them turn up married to a chick who's plastered all over the fucking place? That sucks. That just fucking sucks. Ugh. Better her than you.

[stinkypuppy]

dude is not looking so good these days.
perhaps meth face?

[slut machine]

total meth face! he used to really, really cute, but he was like 18 or 19 at the time i knew him.

[cherryicecream]

JESUS he's hot. at least in that picture. and i like assholes too so yummm....

[TB]

I love assholes, too, that's why I masturbate.

Anyway, meth face obvs.

And it's strange when peeps you've slept with become famous. Like watching Secretary all, "I could've sworn I've seen those honkers ... somewhere ..."

I'm sitting at Beckett's now. Cause no one at Ulysses has read Ulysses. Douchebags.

[bob smith]

i saw him at highline when amy played there. he seemed like a leech, leechy vibes. but hes sexy and im sure a good fuck too. good fuck vibes.

was he hung tb? because i was getting hung vibes as well.

[bob smith]

tb or whoever wrote the post i mean

[Trashley]

That's like 60 bucks! Bullshit.

[brief]

I'm kind of in the same situation with a boy right now. The difference is that I'm in Germany, he is the musician, he owes me 300 euro, and I'm stupidly still dating him.
The whole gorgeous loser, cokehead, leech thing? Yeah, that all applies. God, I hate that I'm addicted to D sometimes.

[Christina]

Fuck that shit. I ain't gonna be giving my money to some dude. I dont care how cute he is. If I can get out of work.. go to class, go home and get all pretty, jump in MY ride, and party all nite then his ass can do it too. I dont deal with that freeloading crap. Losers usually hand with other losers anyway, and you dont want to be around that kind or trash.

[the cajun boy]

dude looks like he would smell. then again, so does she.

[♥dex]

But if you're railing shit night after night, your sense of smell is a bit fried, no?

[TB]

So my GF just fucking broke up with me. And now I hate everyone. I'm just gonna become like, an hermitic Buddha loser slash turtle and not fucking fucking anyone any fucking more.

Sorz, Slut Machine, gotta bitch somewhere. She doesn't even like your blog. We had a fight about it once. The "Why doesn't Slut Machine link to me?" fight. That was fun.

RAAAAAAWWWWRRRRR!!!

Okay, I'm fine. I'll get over it in like a fucking day. And ... back to meth face: probs hung who knows. I mean, he's cute; he just looks like a douchebag. Like my ex-boyfriend, this Argentinian dude who was Shakira's namedropnamedrop ex-boyfriend.

Sigh.

[TB]

Did I say she broke up with me? Just kidding. I broke up with her. Because she was being weird. And now moderating all my comments on her blog. Regulatin'.

Oh. Pride's this weekend. How convenient.

[NY Radical]

Typo, Slut Machine: "fucking fucking" should be "fucking fuck."

And no, she still won't repent for being a greedy asshole. Or disliking your blog.

"All she writes about is fucking guys' dicks!!!"

"Babe. You are the BISEXUAL, and I, the lesbian/trannie. WTF?"

[NY Radical]

Typo, Slut Machine: "fucking fucking" should be "fucking fuck."

And no, she still won't repent for being a greedy asshole. Or disliking your blog.

"All she writes about is fucking guys' dicks!!!"

"Babe. You are the BISEXUAL, and I, the lesbian/trannie. WTF?"

[jenner]

Namedropping is SO annoying - but not in this case. Best. Story. Ever. LOL

[olivia]

wow, you know amy winehouse's dude!!! boy, you really are one super hip young lady!!! You are way too cool for school!!! BTW, I still don't believe a word you write here, your anonymity is a little too convenient...

[TB]

Oh awesome. Olivia's back. I'm gonna p3wn your bullshit ass. Get the fuck outta here. Cause SM's blog's not for fucking retards. Get the fuck out.

Asshole slash douchebag.

I FUCKED Maggie fucking fuck you Gyllenhaal so shut the up, retard ...

[TB]

Oh fuck. Typo: there should be a "fuck" between "the" and "up." Pardon, Coke Machine, I'm just fucking drunk.

[Tanith]

I think "Olivia" is one of those navel-lint-picking indie washouts from Gawker. That site is so full of luke-warm, runny shit. It takes so little personality to be mundanely negative and faux worldly. There's a whole prominent subculture of overpriviledged melancholics that specialize in undermining anything exciting or fun. Make eachother smugly miserable and get out of the way of those of us who like to screw and giggle.

[jenner]

I just don't understand why she keeps coming BACK...she's made it perfectly clear how much she hates the site, thinks it's fake, hates everything about it, so why the fuck keep coming back? Nevermind the sad attempts to sound witty and "above all this", why come back, PERIOD???

Strange, strange little girl...

Though I STILL say I wish I had as big a fan as Slut Machine has in Olivia....*sigh*......

[Georgia]

Ignore her. Every comment you make about that which cannot be named you give her what she wants.

[Tanith]

Sorry, Georgia, but douche-baiting is a valid hobby.

Poke it with a stick and see if it snarls back, "Because nobody wants my whiney, judgmental snatch, I can't believe anybody else is getting regularly rammed and enjoying joyful social freedom."

Throw a D at it and I'm sure it laughs and rolls its eyes until the thing shrivels up and runs away.

I can smell the life-disappointment from here.

Somebody clean the cage.

[TB]

Here I am again. It's true, ignoring the stalkerish weirdos helps. Especially psychos who hijack your URL.

That said, Slut Machine? Are you fucking single? I'm a trannie, and hate everyone. Pride's this weekend and I'm having a fucking Humility Party at my friend's gorgeous condo on Bleeker. It's like WTF? Maybe Olivia'll date me.

Hello Olivia, it is I, Viola:

What I am and would is secret as maidenhead; to your ears, divinity, to any others', profanation.

Cheers, Slut Machine, and fuck women. I hate them all.

[TB]

Sigh. I really don't wanna kill this particular comment thread with "fuck women. I hate them all." That'd be very unfortunate.

Anyway, Slut Machine, I'm moving on with my life. It's pride this weekend, and I'm hermitizing. Just gonna drink alone at home and casually destroy the world with my blog ... just another randomized fucking WordPress weblog.

Sigh. Love you Slut Machine!

[Mark Vane]

Hi, Added a new value add to my blog this weekend - a news widget from www.widgetmate.com. I always wanted to show latest news for my keywords in my sidebar. It was very easy with this widget. Just a small copy paste and it was done. Great indeed.

[Deege]

This post made ONTD, which means it's only a matter of time before it makes gawker, defamer, perez, etc...

[Angel]

Does anyone in this blog know Jesus? This language is terrible!

[aj]

Dude, Jesus is hot.

[slut machine]

yeah, i'd fuck jesus. i love me some jews.

[stef]

i've got a friend who works at highline, and blake spent her entire 2-day residency hitting on her relentlessly. i later told her - JESUS CHRIST YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKED HIM AND SHE SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT YOU! SHE WOULD HAVE WRITTEN THE BEST ALBUM EVER ABOUT IT!

[MKF]

JEZU-CRISTO IS THE MAX!!

[JJ]

Get a life all of you. Amy Winehouse is a tranny anyway.

[stuart]

You are a twisted bitch. So fucking sickl of you passing such rumours round he has aids. He may be a wanker but that is just sick, correction your just sick.

[Nonplussed]

Baby?
Is the fucking you're getting worth the fucking you're getting?
Hm?

[Clyde]

Who the fuck is Amy Winehouse?

[destroyer]

I live in London and have to agree with everything she says. Every hipster in town knows Blake as he has been hanging round the clubs for years.Him and Amy can be quite often found at the Hawley Arms in Camden during the daytime.
She is super sweet but obviously comes without a bullshit detector.
Apparently for a while he was still fucking his ex behind her back.Unbelievably I actually overheard him telling a friend of mine that he was back with Amy rather than his other ex as "depsite being a bit weird looking she is totally loaded".
Everyone knows he is a leech but I guess love is blind.

Did I mention his debilitating Heroin habit yet?

[CK]

Haha! I couldn't have said it better. Funny indeed... Yes, everyone in that London circle met him at Trash where he occationally gave blowjobs to boys for cash/drugs. He owes one of my mates £30 as well.
And he once threw a vase in a guys head when he was asleep. He's a complete asshole and he's obviously using Amy for her cash.

He used to be a stunner but heroin has ruined his looks.

[Senior Ding Dong]

I can't believe how long this thread has gone on for. This must explain why I was sooo popular in the 90's.

Get a grip ladies I heard this dude is a numpty anways.

[Dan]

I hate fucking hipsters like you. Yeah, Trash on a monday night. Partying til dawn. Writing about it on your blog. Nathan fucking Barley. The fact that you even know this guy shows you are the same level of scum.

[sbr]

Coincidentally, I got off with spiky Phil when I was 16 and Trash was still at Plastic People on Oxford St.
I haven't seen him since, but he was really lovely.

[Drew Ridama]

Frankly, I find it incredibly crass to use AIDS as a catch all denigration of a person, no matter how much of a shit he is. There's nice people out there living with AIDS and attitudes like yours just perpetuate the negativity.

[K]

I know the guy too from the same situations and to be honest; last time I saw him he was really really trying to make something of himself. He was having a pop at journalism and had a few articles published. He's not stupid and knows his failings. He does love the girl despite it all, and really does have his heart in the right place.

[not telling]

i totally believe he owes you money. He owes everyone money! but he's a good guy at heart. And i think he truly loves amy. Leave him alone yeah?

[not telling]

i totally believe he owes you money. He owes everyone money! but he's a good guy at heart. And i think he truly loves amy. Leave him alone yeah?

[Holloway hero]

This guy used to go out with a friend of mine as well back in the day. anyhoo, they were only going out for a few weeks or whatever nad then he got her name tattoed on him. She freaked out, leaving him alone and with her name on his body. I wonder if he still has it?

[shakeit]

omg!! i too snogged Blake at a variety of london nightclubs around the same time as that picture was taken. he came back to mine once but got freaked out by my buffy box sets so we never sealed the deal. I saw him in a club 2 weeks ago and he still looked pretty good actually! he was always a really nice guy though.

[Hez]

Shitdamn, I forgot how much I love this blog. Slut Machine, you're an inspifuckingration.

[yourmum]

Hi Nathan!