Porn Again: My Adult Entertainment Expo Recap

So I got back from Vegas a few days ago, and I've been trying to readjust. I'm still not getting enough sleep, and my perineum is fucked from, well, too much fucking, while my asshole is all torn up from my unwise, drunken decision to attempt anal with no lube. I'm in pain and I've been walking around my apartment like a cowboy, with my legs kinda bent and wide apart.

To be honest, I had sex the weekend before I left for Vegas with this guy I was seeing briefly like three years ago. He has the fattest dick in the world—to the point where it's uncomfortable—and that sorta messed me up. Then the next day I boned this other guy, which only made the situation worse. So I went to the gyno to get checked out, and he prescribed me this cortisone-type cream to allow it to heal faster. He told me I shouldn't "make love" for a week. In my head I was like, "Uh, I never do."

But really, for a slut, finding out she can't fuck when she's going to Vegas for the porno convention is like a virgin finding out she got her period on her wedding day. It's devastating! So I just threw caution to the wind and did what I normally would. I am paying the price right now.

It was sorta worth it, though. I had so much fun, and made a lot of friends, and learned a thing or two.

I chronicled my adventures over on Jezebel, and also posted my interview with Tristan Taormino, as well as a photo gallery of some of the fashions from the convention. Tomorrow I'll be putting up a sex toy review. Spoiler alert: It sucked! Didn't hold a candle to my Magic Wand. Anyway, check 'em out:

Diary Entry #1:
You Never Forget Your First Time: My Day At The Adult Entertainment Expo

Diary Entry #2:
Last Night I Boned An AVN Award Nominee

Diary Entry #3:
The AVN Convention & Awards: I Came, I Saw, & I Came Again

Convention Fashion:
Fear And Clothing In Las Vegas

Interview:
Tristan Taormino: "Porn Is As Cerebral As It Is Visceral"

Live Blog:
2008 AVN Awards: Dispatches From The Front

Comments

[♥dex]

Good stuff...give your ass a break.

I used to review sex toys when my friends started www.ranchocarne.com; my favorite was when they sent me a super fancy glass dildo.

Then one day I accidentally dropped the fucker and the best relationship I ever had was over in a flash.

>>teardrop<<

[heisthelamb]

Damn, I was next door to the Beauty Bar at The Griffin (a way better bar btw)! I guess I missed out...

[slut machine]

i was at the griffin! i went there after. i was to tired to mingle though.

[u dont know me]

Uhm that one guy with the bandanna. You should have gone for that. Schwing! He was the hotness.

[Alex]

Hey, not to be a bitch or anything but...guess I'm going to be one anyway. While reading your AVN diaries I noticed that you mentioned that you lived with Mitch Fontaine for many years and that's the 'guy in porn' you've mentioned dating in the past.

But the thing is, in that Pimp My Vadge thing you did for Gawker, you made it seem like you sought out and found this random porn guy to assess your vadge.
That's really kind of disingenuous and you know, a fucking lie! You mean your boyfriend and guy you had been living with for years found your vagina to be charming??? Wow. Imagine that.

Even if you had just said he was your friend it would have been better than what you did.

Maybe I'm being ridic because I've got my period right now but for some reason this really pissed me off.

[slut machine]

yeah, you're taking my vagina way too seriously.

[Dingosmom]

I hope Mitch Fontaine invented his own name. His career path was clear whenever he was christened with that one. SM, frozen peas on the afflicted area. Works for vasectomy, bound to help here. And put some lube in your purse, Jesus!

[Dingosmom]

Also, LOL @ horrifying lack of full disclosure in Pulitzer winning article Pimp My Vadge. Although I actually loved that series a great deal.

[jess]

they need to come up with a vibrator that's silent. For thin-walled apartments complete with roommates...

[Alex]

I could give a shit about your vagina. Just makes me wonder how many of your other stories are not really as real as I had once believed.

[Judi]

Here's an idea, Alex: stop reading.

[Alex]

Oh Boo-Hoo. God forbid I point out a bit of bullshit writing from someone who makes a living writing and getting her judge on about other people.

[slut machine]

yo, i do not judge other people. where the fuck do you get off saying that? i've never lied about anything in any of my writing. why the hell would i lie about this kind of stuff and subject myself to mean comments and ridicule? that doesn't even make sense. and if i haven't given full disclosure about elements of my life before, it was only due to me protecting my anonymity.

and since you're so hung up on it, the purpose of interviewing a pornographer for that pimp my vadge thing was not to get someone to say that my vagina is "charming." it was to have him explain his theory about the four classifications of vulvas that he coined, and to further prove my point that women shouldn't be self-conscious about the appearance of theirs, because everyone's is different and dudes will always want to touch it anyway.

[moroccoo]

SM,
theyre stupid. and youre the shiznit. and for your perineum? stick a bottle of vodka in the freezer for an hour or two, cover it in a towel, and thatll work.
keep on keepin on (or keep on fuckin on?)

[Alex]

I didn't think you were specifically asking your boyfriend just so that someone would tell you that your vagina was charming. But you could have easily said you asked your friend/pornographer about your vag without disclosing who he was by name thus also protecting your anonymity.

However, I am sorry my comment about you getting your judge on pissed you off. The comment had to do with the types of things you write about...like reality tv. I love it too and everyone has an opinion of the people on the shows, good or bad, right or wrong. It's just something that I say and I see how it could be misconstrued as written but it was not meant as an insult.

And whatever. I'm really just a Bitchy-Bitch-McBitcherson who's hormonal and so miserable in my own suckfest of a life right now that I have nothing better to do than rag on other people on the internet for stupid-ass reasons.