My Bloody Valentine

I got my fucking period. It's not like I have solid plans for Valentine's Day, or that I need to have sex to make myself feel better or anything. It's just that if I do hook up with someone I meet while out (that's always the plan, no matter what day of the year), it will be someone new, and it's always a production, or at the very least, a conversation—that frankly, I'm sick of having—in order to assuage any awkwardness or anxiety a boy may have about having sex with me while my body is merely providing some extra, albeit unfortunately colored, lube.

Whatever the case, I'll be at the Duke Spirit show at Mercury Lounge tonight, looking for a boy in the crowd who wouldn't mind dipping his stick in ick, and then I'll certainly be out on the 14th, if only because single people seem to be extra fun and drunk and slutty on Valentine's Day. And since I'd been couped up with the flu since last week and am finally feeling like a human again, my fun and drunk and slutty levels are ready to shoot through the roof.

[Image via Nathan Sawaya.]

Comments

[Zen]

Wow,on the rag and carrying influenza, looking to get drunk and laid, you _are_ a barrel of laughs.

Seriously, look for me tonight. I'll be the short balding dude drinking bloody marys. You bring the blow.

[Snowbunny]

That heart is beautiful.

I've also got the flu, so I feel your pain sister.

Happy hunting!

[Liz K]

Once I was on a third date with a dude, we had a really great time and we went back to my place and started to mess around, I let things go as far as I could before I had to say sorry, but we have to hit the brakes because I got my period. He Jackie Joyner Kersee'd his way out my apartment and I never heard from him again.

And a girlfriend of mine once dated a guy who wouldnt let her keep tampons at his house, and freaked when he saw the box. He actually asked her not to come over when it was that time of the month.

Baffling how freaked out guy's get by periods considering it happens to almost all women every single month!?

[Raquel]

My philosophy is that a dude should be at least willing to wade through the crimson river without complaint, as I have no expectation that he should drink its waters.

Your articles are far and away the funniest on Jezebel. Without you, I wouldn't want to waste half the company's time that I do.

[Tanith]

The only proof for the castration complex, really.

As if the vag is a razor clam that's going to gnaw off or dissolve your pole. So bizarre.

They just can't stand to see the snaus covered with gore.

If blindfolded they'd be like, "Oooh, yeah....You're so wet....
Did you come already? I thought so."
So lame.

[heisthelamb]

I've never had a problem with the Crimson Tide, as long as I don't have to have conversations about it. It's like girls pooping: we all know it happens, we just don't need to hear about it.
In fact, I'd be honored to be the boy in the crowd to get you back on the saddle...
Good stuff as always!

[tina]

wouldn't you know I came down with my first bladder infection EVER, right before Vday. Sucks worse than the period.

[Khouray Hamad]

Have you ever tried Instead? They're kind of gross as the name implies but you can have sex with a random stranger without him knowing you have your period and thus avoiding that conversation. The downside is Instead seems to prohibit any type of natural lube from making it into the vagina.

[gbs]

I'm surprised you didn't just skip your placebo for birth control... I know some girls like to have their period anyways (the "yay not pregnant" bonus) but if Valentine's day is coming up, wouldn't that warrant an exception to the rule? If I know there's a special day coming up (birthday, beach trip, etc.) I decide to skip the blood that month.

[elle]

NO WAY, i just got my period today too. hopefully the boyf will understand -- i just don't think i'll be satisfied with the eight-grade makeout sesh/consolation-prize bj routine that we often revert to at this time of the month.

[The Ethical Slut]

I also got mine today, but I get mine like every 15 days, so that's nothing new. I'm going to get Yaz this week....BC, SM?

[Carrie]

First of all, i've been rocking a "Fuck My Face" necklace since october and it's a magical token into hilarious conversation and ultimately... pleasureland. I met a guy (friend of a friend) on Sunday who read my necklace and hugged me saying "oh my god, i found her". We laughed, drank a lot of alcohol and eventually ended up at his place listening to motown. First time in a while i've felt up to getting down with a boy and i go to the bathroom...LOW AND BEHOLD my period started a week early. WTF?!!!!!

I should have had the conversation and seen where it all led but instead we had some meek make-out and i can only assume he thought i was a falsely advertising prude.

[Kittentits]

I've re-embraced V-day precisely for the slutty factor. I was talking to my gorgeous, happily married friend about my plans and she said: "Or right...You're doing that girls night out/we're sad and single thing." I was like: "Uh, correction: We're going to be drunk and single. And our official goal is to make out with as many strangers as possible." Her face kind of dropped at that point because no matter how happy she is with her little hipster husband, he'll never be a stranger. At least I've got that.

[abi]

my boy doesn't mind riding the crimson tide, we just put a towel down and I make him close his eyes when I take off the condom, cos I know he'd faint if he saw his nice blood covered dick. works well for us.

[lc]

I found a consistent solution: date someone in the medical profession... they're so over blood, they give way better massages AND they know where all the parts are...

[The Brooklyn Boy]

I actually got a girl to overcome her own trepidations re: aunt flo, the last visit I made to DC. Wasn't planning on that one, but I was out to fuck, ha. If you decide to come through the Better Borough tomorrow, my buddy Akie's playing a jazz show at the Inkwell Cafe on Rogers Ave.

[Carolyn]

When I had my period once we/I used one of those little period cups. I think it was called instead. It was clean and I was able to get some and he wasnt grossed out. I thought the little fucker may get stuck up there but it didnt move a inch. I used a female condom once on our anniversary and I had my period. There are ways around it if the guy is squeemish. Happy hunting!

[tim]

ive got no issues when a girl has this going on, i actually like it. first, girls are much hornier when they are on their period and secondly, you can get away without wearing a condom. it's a win win! just throw a towel down and enjoy the ride

[tim]

ive got no issues when a girl has this going on, i actually like it. first, girls are much hornier when they are on their period and secondly, you can get away without wearing a condom. it's a win win! just throw a towel down and enjoy the ride

[UnaDater]

I wish, especially on days like today, that women are required to wear some sort of button that announces that they are on the rag is this is true. This will help men out who want to hit on you and get action and will help the fortunate women out there who are in heat right now from having a guy waste his time on a woman that at most will give him a really bad BJ.

just a thought

unadater.blogspot.com

[Tanith]

Does "UnaDater" mean you've only ever had one date? Sounds like it.

[sue]

is it weird that both a friend and I BOTH got our periods yesterday too? And I WAS planning sex today.

[lee]

Instead cups!! Woo!! Seriously, they're a sheet-saver!

[Sabina]

Why are we all cycling together if we don't even know each other in person? Is there some sort of magical slut pheromone that wafts through the internet?

[Lauren]

I also got my period today too! It sucks alot it was just before I was going to get some lovin' and I went to the washroom and FUCKKKKKKKK.

[swanny]

I got mine yesterday too! As a matter of fact, it was 2 weeks late : /

[Tanith]

WELL?!?!

I'm not leaking eggs, but I wasn't in the game because my man was out of town. I just kept a single and disgruntled bartender friend company during her shift.

Sooo...

Vicarious sex doing exploits are needed!

Did lurkers from this site show up at Mercury and approach you?

[Sam]

Mine was 2 weeks late, too! Ask me how many pregnancy tests I took (three).

[Tanith]

Rats! Foiled again...

Just read over at Jezebel that it was self-finger-bang for SM on Valentine's.

So much for vicarious. More like remote-simultaneous.

Did ANYBODY screw on Vday?

[Allison]

Dude, y'all need better men. Much better men. Mine fucks it, licks it, & likes it. Doesn't spaz about seeing blood on his wang, either.